LBR: Loneliness, Business, Relationships
Bonjour my amazing peacocks!!!
Today I was talking to one of my very good entrepreneur friends. Among our multiple topics, we have, of course started to talk about love and relationships. (I hope my friends are not going to get offended because they inspire me a lot). My friend had unfortunately her heart broken, on the top of all the 2020 craziness and her personal life. So she felt betrayed and abandoned by this "not so cool, not so cute, stupid" man, at a vulnerable moment of her life. She was victim of love bombing. I could really feel her pain because I've been there... You know, you meet a guy (or a chick), you become very close: text many times a day from good morning to good night, phone calls, you see each other a lot, he/she is very understanding, caring, affectionate... He/she understands your entrepreneurship, respects it, supports it and values it. Then you share physical and emotional intimacy... You realize that this person is everything you asked for, you needed that type of connection.
As a business person, you need someone who has your back and acknowledges you. Being around a special someone is necessary because it can't be all about your business, you need to balance and to be you, not just someone who makes money. You need to disconnect from your duties and connect with someone at another level. With the countless hours of work, you simply need love.
And one day, out of nowhere, this person says it is over... Why? Just because he/she realizes he/she is not ready... Really? What the hell??? And this person cancels of you as if you never existed... Most of the time, that person is mentally and emotionally immature. You know it simply because of the way they treat you. People simply get away with a simple "I'm sorry". They reject any responsibility and want to make you feel like the crazy needy one. You can not come into somebody's life, share deep and intimate moments and simply decide to take of because you are suddenly scare because it is getting serious! Never forget that Karma is a bitch and it will strike when you won't expect it. The new selfish theories will tell you that no one is responsible for your happiness and bla bla bla, but you are not here alone on that Earth, we all are a whole and we are responsible for ourselves but also for the impact that we choose to have in people's lives. So you shouldn't feel bad for trusting and enjoying being in a "relationship". There was nothing wrong with you, that person was a predator and knew how to play with your emotions and vulnerabilities for their own interests.
So I comforted my friend the best way I could. THEN I got pissed when she mentioned that she can't wait to see her "Gary"... And now you will ask: "Lya, what is a "Gary'?" A Gary is this motherfucker who had no intention to build something with you but who played you from the very beginning. A "Gary" will be an amazing support, but will never want to commit to you. He will have a deep non serious relationship with you, he will build feelings for you, he will be there for you but he will NEVER make you his partner. He will tell you what you need to hear and fall for you at some point. But he will commit to someone else. He will have the relationship you always dreamed of with someone else, and will call you back once his relationship is over... And since you have deep feelings for "Gary" because he caught your heart at your lowest moment, you will always welcome "Gary" back in your life, even if you know he is toxic for you, and that HE DOESN'T WANT YOU. He probably wants 48% of you, which is enough for you to keep being around. (Don't see anything personal here, not my story and I picked up "Gary" because they're usually mean in the series/movies). So now she plans to see her "Gary" to comfort her, knowing that he has broken her heart for I can't even count how many times... She told him how she loved him and stuff, that she was ready and will always be ready for him but he always rejected her and kept her only for the good times (side chick). She tried to distance herself from him but, when you are vulnerable and you need love, support, affection, AND when you go through a break-up, you have the tendency to call back the wrong people.
I have been there too (not with a 'Gary" though, I have my other demons^^) that is why I do my best not too be to judgy...
But us, business owner (and any other people), need to be as disciplined in our projects as with our hearts, because we can't afford to be emotionally broken if we want to grow, success and sustain. I am not saying that we have to be cold-hearted and not to take risk by trying a new relationship; but don't go to the same ugly nasty diarrhea that you perfectly know! Even if it is hard as hell, that you need comfort, physical - emotional links, and that you are vulnerable and that nobody understands you and... and... and... : DO NOT GO BACK TO GARY!!!!! Unless you are clear with your feelings and you are 10000% that you won't be devastated after he hurts you one more time (you actually, are the one who is hurting yourself by repeating the same shitty patterns). If you know that you still have feelings for "Gary" (as "little" as they are), save your safe yourself some pain (and dignity), and use you brain more than your fears. Fears will always lead you to "Gary".
Your enterprise is way too precious and important (no matter what stage you are at) for you to jeopardize it with some fearful decisions. Your "Gary" is your comfort zone. He is the devil that you know, and the next one is not going to be another one if you pick up wisely combining your mind, emotions and soul. Someone better than "Gary" deserve your time, energy, consideration, love. Even if the next one is not the right one, this one will be more preferable, unless you repeat the same patterns... (then you have to break the cycle). It is all about fears after all. It is not easy to be alone, but if you prefer to be with the SUPER WRONG one than being on your own... darling, you have some inner work to do. Very hard but mandatory because you are worthy.
Don't forget, we are here to build a well rounded life, not to have a successful business and a shitty living experience.
Don't forget that everything is about balance, not perfection.
That's all for me because I could keep writing and writing and writing and writing... But once again, you've got my point^^
Have a beautiful day/night/week and don't forget to do something that you love, to be around people who loves you and that you love, to exercise, to balance your food, to stay focus and discipline AND to drink plenty of water!
Peace n kiss.
Lya Pouleyy.
